I am not judging anyone… I am just saying what happened… and for that purpose I decided to write this post… I really don’t want to take sides … I am so sick of people just trying to show how involved they are… when they don’t know crap about anything… Part one… Late afternoon…I am sitting on my computer reading my emails… since my dad decided to take over the T.V… he is watching the development of the Lebanese war… nowadays we have 16 news channels as OUR favorite channel list… and my dad decided that he will only leave the sofa for the bathroom … Part two… I start opening up emails I received from friends… and there it pops! … I am shocked… it’s ridiculous!!!! and the fact that they are sending it via email shots makes it even more hilarious… one of Amman’s “hot places”… decided to be patriotic… they were actually thinking of the best way a bar/café… could get into the Lebanese war scene and get donations for the Lebanese children that are dying each day… “PARTY 4 a CAUSE” … I wonder… would they have projections of the bombings on the walls? Or maybe the drink of the night could be bloody Mary??? One has to wonder… I closed my PC… one hour later I went out with my friends… we went to the flea market.. they ask you for a one JD donation as an entrance fee… and you can light a candle… with Amman’s novelty… you can hear all the Lebanese songs on the saxophone whilst enjoying the view of the rich and famous lighting candles… not by themselves… but by poor children from the surrounding area that are looking for a bit of donations themselves…. Part four… I am really bored… so I decide to read the news paper and there it was on the front page… it reads “An Arab Minister of external affairs flew his family back form their vecation in Tel Aviv… because Hezbollah decided to bomb it”… he actually has two houses there… on the beach! … .jpg)
We just arrived… the door opens… I leave my mother’s hand and I start running… “Omar behave” I hear her say from behind me… my grandmother comes out of the kitchen with a big smile... she kisses me… like 10 times… I run to my grandfather’s bedroom… he is wearing his cloths… I sit on the bed and watch… where are you going? I say… to the “Balad” (town center)… I want to go too… I am thinking if he will take me… I run back to my mom… I whisper it into her ear… she says no… I get all grumpy and I sit back on the sofa… please let me go…please… ok… but first ask your grand father… I run back to him… and I ask… he says ask your mom… she is ok with it… only there is one condition … I have to hold on to your hand at all times… My grandmother says I am too little… but after half an hour and some tears from my side I get to go… my mother tells me a hundred times “don’t leave your grandfather’s hand”… Out of the door… I hold sido’s hand… Balad here I come… we go in a white cab… I hold his hand even in the cab… I ask him what are we going to do in this balad… he says he has to buy some stuff for Tita and he has to go to the bank… ok… not quite the experience I was looking for no swings and no playground… the taxi stops… we get out… its too crowded… my mouth is still open from the shock… I … am speechless…its better than any play ground I have ever been to… everything is soo colorful… and believe me everything I saw…I saw it for the first time… I was five…yallah omar… we have to go this way… still holding his hand…he is walking slowly so I wouldn’t get tired... And he is explaining to me everything that is around me... All I have to say is “what is this…. And what is that”… then I hear it… “ka’ek ka’ek” … again “ka’ek…” he appears from behind the crowd… he has this huge moving table “meals on wheels”… it’s all filled with these round waffles… “ka’ek ka’ek”… I ask for one… he hesitate… then he gets me one with za3tar he says “it’s the safest option”… I eat it… its like heaven! … Yum… hot and I never thought thyme would taste so good without olive oil with it… we have to go he says… to the bank … and there on the pavement there is this guy selling watches… I only watch the zillion of watches he has and I admire them… my grand father is talking to him… HE IS BUYING ME AWATCH… lol… I don’t know why the heck am I exited? … I have a swatch on my hand… and I am still existed to get this cheap plastic liquid crystal watch… I feel closer to god! I am in heaven… he puts it on my hand… two watches are there now… very exciting… my grandfather finishes his work in the bank as I sit down and admire my new watch which is way cooler than the swatch… it has like four buttons and each time I press one something changes… wow… heaven… yallah omar… we have to go back… I hold a small grocery bag... so I would look like I actually participated in something and we open the door to Tita’a house… tita kisses me again… I show my mother the watch and I speak… they are all listening to my adventure… I am 23 now and till now I have never forgot about the times I spent with my grandfather at the balad… each time we went I always had to get a ka’ek and a watch…
Well… I have been thinking of writing about this for a long time now… it has always been on my mind… but I couldn’t… I couldn’t or wouldn’t write about her because I really wanted to give her all the credit she deserves… Two months ago… Yellow sign… DETOUR LEFT… Then another one… right this time…straight on… I see a lot of cars in front of me and it seems that no one of them is looking at the DETOUR signs… they are just following the car in front of them and looking at the new bridge Amman will have… I can see people from all the cars around me pointing at the bridge… and it seems like everyone of them seems to have his dad… uncle… mother in law involved in structuring the bridge…they are all explaining something to the person next to them… you know how it is… “Dad told me that Uncle Sami the contractor for the bridge said it will cost 102093247 dollars …. Bla blab la”… I continue driving… and for an instance I… was… speechless…. Its all coming back to me… she used to be here…next to the fourth circle…sitting on the dirt… black traditional dress… a red machine next to her… and a baby on her lap… there was always a baby on her lap as long as I can remember… I rarely saw her moving as we passed by that route… she was always silent… baby on lap… red machine… 10 years or more… baby… machine… black dress… I used to ask people what is she doing there… and no one seemed to know… some said she sells drugs… others made fun out of it… In the hot summer… and in the rain… baby… black dress… red cracked and rusty machine… One day as we were passing by I asked my mom… she said… this woman… sharpens knives… the red machine is to sharpen knives… I didn’t speak for a moment or two… I was thinking of why would a woman sit in the dirt and sharpen knives… if until now I didn’t find anyone go to her with some knives to sharpen… then it hit me… she didn’t want to beg… From that moment till now this woman became an idol for me… I always looked for her as I passed that route… she always made my day… she always gave me hope… That day when I became speechless…I thought she left… the dirt she used to sit on is now this fancy tunnel that reaches to the zillion dollars bridge… she is not there… Yesterday… I open the newspaper to read… there in front of me… was a picture of the knives lady … with an article for “Reem Rawashdeh” in al Rai all about her… it seems she is still working… but moved a couple of meters to another spot next to the bridge… she now has a sign that reads “ Knives sharpening” … and all day I had this big smile on my face… see when life seems too cruel and when you loose hope… just remember the knife lady is still on the dirt sharpening knifes….
Breakkkkk… Red light… yellow car… “Buttons” by pussy cat dolls is on the radio… I lower the volume down… lower…press again… even lower. .. Good ahhh…. my car seems like a jukebox on wheels… I looked up… there… in front of me… in cracked orange… a 76 hatchback Opel kadet (I looked this up) … Here is one… two… ops three…ah a forth… and a fifth… wait I see another head…there are Ten children in the back of this orange Opel, they are all looking at me… I smile… I see trouble in paradise… they start talking together… I am sure you know that they are talking about me… they are trying to look at me… without showing it… I can see some smiles… I stick my tongue out… they are shocked!... they start laughing… its chaos… one starts sticking his tongue out back at me… the other makes funny faces… the two elder children aren’t that interested… wait one is missing… oh here he is… he told his dad… the dad looks back at me… quick… I go down… I change the radio channel… its football… and Italy has got the chance to play a penalty…the commenter is asking people at Dunes club what do they think… a “Stupid girl” (I love that song by p!nk) said “I am with Italy they are so hot” … yeah nice… hot …. Ok… and the hot Italians score… I wonder how… with all these stupid girls praying! ... I look up again hoping that the dad isn’t looking back at me… he isn’t… but the other ten sure are… they start laughing again… and shouting to each other… they have a strategy I think … oh yeah they all make the same funny face at me… I do it back… they laugh… it makes me laugh too… Ops… beeeeeeeeeeeeeeep… green light … I have to move… I wave good bye… they all do… the next day on my email Dalia sends me a newspaper clipping of the vice chair of ART saying … and I quote “football is a luxury… poor people shouldn’t care for it… they only have to eat food and drink water”… And I am sure that after zillions of decades as a game for the poor… Mr. Oil head has decided it’s a luxury….
We parked the car… he pressed the button… and the sound of that Latin music went off… I had a quick look at the way I look in the side mirror of the car… you know just to check if everything is in place… after all in two minutes I will be walking in and everyone will have that quick one sec glance at the person walking in… you don’t want to give the wrong impression… "The guy with the open zipper" could ruin your social status for a while… well… until they get that juicy gossip about that beautiful girl, you know… that blond you all know from university…. I just came in…everything is in place… to the table… the waiter arrives and gives us the menu… he is like all waiters … they really annoy me… I don’t think anyone of them did get proper hosting education… I only think they told them to go drop the menu… act as if they own the place… and get the wrong dish… wait until you finished half the plate to come as if it was the only plate left in the building…. And then give you the bill expecting to have a very big tip… Finally I ordered… something new… this is the trend I am going for nowadays… try something new… just for the fun of it… I looked at the view… its Amman lit… those small houses with small lit windows… white here… yellow there,… and some red ones just to add a bit of flavor … very nice… houses all over each other… a light here and a light there… very romantic… even though I am only there with friends… the view just gives you that good old feeling where you want to just make time go still … And then it did hit me… I am looking at houses… places were people live… each light there is a child writing his unfinished homework because he was playing football on the streets… each light is a family having a gathering around the TV because they cannot afford to go anywhere else… each light Is a couple having a romantic evening where all he can offer is some poetic words… each light is a father checking his bills for the month… each light Is life … suddenly the waiter came… he took my dish without even asking... I shouted… but it's too late… he is back in the dark
It's you… it's what you are… were you belong….were you can live the way you want… it's you… what you believe what you want to say and what you can…. Its you …what you do… what you promised yourself you will make…its you …just you …you that you want to speak of… where you can speak…and speak again… tell them that with every breath you make, your life will change… till you are satisfied, or figure out that life is just a game… tell them that you will live for you, you yourself…you again… for living, for being insane… tell them with every smile… every word… and every scratch of a pencil on a note… in me lives an angel… someone I love… in me lives a creature… a creature I want… in me I live, for living, for life… in me, myself, is something I see, obvious, yet I don’t know… I am… I do...I paint, a portrait of a life I want… I dare to judge… to turn… to discover… all the curves of my body… all the corners of my soul… I… myself… I learned to say… to shout in my name… to speak … and in reason I fight… I color out of the lines… I add the salt of me… and a little pepper … just a little taste of what I want to be… I… I am.
He can’t be serious… there is this sitcom I want to watch and he is refusing to flip the channel… I got up and went to watch it over the other TV… my brother is watching a movie… he too seems to have the same genes… back to the living room… tried to ask politely… sorry he says… this is important… but dad I want to watch it… I was looking forward to see it for a week now…sorry and he grins… I tried to look at what he is watching to know …what this damn program is… is it that important that flipping isn’t an option? … You guessed it… nothing of substance… just two guys talking on what they think will happen if that thing they predicted last week will lead to the other thing that might make 
Its The taxi driver had continued on how he tried to go and show his talent to the world as pop idol was touring in Enjoying the scenery of people shouting at each other in the street as one of them apparently blocked the other driver's car in his own version of "Need for Speed The Amman Exclusive Version"…. They were both screaming at each other… each swearing in a really interesting manner… very creative words were added to spice up the situation… u know… first they just blubber something out as if they said something that meant "what are you doing!"… and then they start to describe each other in the most colorful ways… Each one of them wanted to be the zalameh of the situation… and as there was more audience listening to this lovely conversation… they started to say things figuratively… one with a finger… the other with the whole hand… and as smoke started to fume out from their heads… they both started to mention the family members of the counterperson… Some body parts add the key ingredient to make things worth saying… I think you got the picture… not yet… my taxi driver being the all muscled male shahem/diva that is in need of his 15 minutes of fame… joined the conversation asking them both to shut up… so we could actually pass…With the supporting beeps from the cars behind us that had arisen in harmony... they moved…thank god… Its Apparently Qatar is funding a Project that will Eliminate all the street cats "or limit them" in their own way of making the streets of Qatar more beautiful… the fund is for 500 thousand Qatari Riyals.... it seems they actually looked for a cause to spend the money… and that street cats are the main issue they should resolve… Don’t worry they say experts from the animal rights foundation, and the Qatari cat society will ensure that cats are going to be only treated with as much attention and care possible… cats will be sterilized or put into cat jail, and not murdered…or they will be put to death with a lethal injection, if La Sama7 Allah they were forced to do it…insuring cats wont suffer after all… Cats in The article about the Qatar Cats is in Alghad newspaper Monday 3/4/2006 issue…last page…www.alghad.jo (I checked the printed version, so you have to see if they have it online too)… 
Its soo warm in here... I just don't want to leave... I am trying to figure out were i am... it seems like long hours have passed... and there it goes this horrible painful noise i keep hearing every single day... this thing wont stop... JUST SHUT THE ... UP... my hand is trying to reach the place were this thing is...its starting to annoy me like hell... and... It stopped... I just pressed the button... it stopped.....bliss at last... I forgot about it for a while… I am trying to open my eyes and see what is it?... just out of curiosity… or should I not… OH MY GOD… its my mobile’s alarm…shit I have to wake up… what hour is it…shittttt…its 9 I had to go to work at 8… my boss is going to kill me… just relax… maybe I should just sleep for another hour… he is killing me whatever the choice I will make.. I am already late… my dad just has entered the room… he is preaching me on how I should wake up and be responsible… ok, be responsible… let me open my eyes as a first step… the room looks as it always have been… books everywhere… one is still up on my bed, I must have slept while reading it…oh my cloths are everywhere… I love that shirt, its white with all the animals on it… Concentrate… wake up … yalla... out of the door…TAAKHHHH… oh i fell on the ground… who has left this #&^$% box here… oh its mine… never mind… to the bathroom… no need to explain what had happened in there… yeah you guessed it… Run to the kitchen… dad is SCREAMING his lungs out as I pass him… make orange juice… yalla think of something to wear… oh… my boss wants me to be formal… ok, my blue suit… maybe the black one… I hate formal cloths… why can’t I wear the white shirt… ok decide… I cant I don’t have time … ok this looks ok… Perfume… check… teeth…check… yalla get out of here… open the door… call the elevator… ouu, ba3dain… I forgot my wallet and phone... Back… out again…let’s see… I need it …where are all the taxis of 